Learning How To Trust Again

 

How To Trust Again

The 3 realities we must embrace if we want to regain our inner happiness.

 

Learning How To Trust Again — (2016)  Few things in life hurt as much as the sense of betrayal we experience when someone, through words or actions, destroys our ability to place our trust in them.

When trust is broken, and if we are going to regain our life happiness, then there are 3 realities we must learn to embrace is we are going to discover how to trust again.

 

 How To Trust Again …Reality 1 – While we wish it were otherwise, life isn’t always fair!

• We live in a relational world, and as independent as some of us can be, we simply cannot avoid relationships.
• If we are going to learn how to trust again then we must recognize that some relationships are healthy/empowering.
• Some relationships are unhealthy/abusive.
• No matter how careful we try to be in choosing who we will or will not trust, the people we let into our relational world or space will often, intentionally or unintentionally hurt us, destroying our ability to trust them any further.
• Often, the pain and anger we feel in response is ego based – our ego has been offended by a person’s inability to treat us with greater value.
• If we walk through life hating the person who betrayed our trust, then perhaps it is our ego which needs to be tamed, and not the behavior of the offending party.
• THERE IS ONE TRUTH WE CANNOT CHANGE, but only embrace…sometimes LIFE simply isn’t fair.

 

How To Trust Again …Reality 2 — While we may not wish it were so…in life EVERYTHING changes, and EVERYTHING comes to an end.

• Oh how we wish it were otherwise, but in life nothing is perfect, permanently satisfying, and there will be low moments surrounded by high moments.
• Every beginning immediately sets the stage for an ending.  Every birth assures us that one day, there will be a death.
• In our desire to be “in control” of our life, we can rob ourselves of happiness by wasting our limited energy trying to deny or delay the inevitable.  We cannot control – we cannot change the inevitable.
• In life, people will cross our path…for a moment…for a season…for the balance of a lifetime.  People come and go.
• We cannot control someone else, but when they choose to exit our lives, we can only embrace a true inner renewal of our happiness by choosing to let them go.  If we are going to learn how to trust again, then we must come to terms with reality and accept that for some people, their season in our life is over.
• THERE IS ONE TRUTH WE CANNOT CHANGE, but only embrace…in life EVERYTHING changes, and EVERYTHING comes to an end.

 

How To Trust Again …Reality 3 — While we may wish it to be otherwise… people are not LOVING and LOYAL all the time.

• Oh how we wish it were not so, but people are human, and in their humanity sometimes their worlds function out of sync with our own.
• Trust begins to form in our earliest moments of life.  Our early desires and fears have been locked away into every cell of our being.  Subconsciously we keep looking for the love we missed out on as children, or fear the repetition of those life blows we cannot forget.  When our relationships unknowingly rip open old wounds, we react to that offense from a position of pent up emotional history.
• By learning to accept the shortcomings of others, our inner needs begin to naturally mature into a deeper healthier position – we no longer need what cannot be had or controlled by us.  We learn to let go, and let be.
• Life is never about what happened, but how we respond to what has happened.
• THERE IS ONE TRUTH WE CANNOT CHANGE, but only embrace…in life people are not LOVING and LOYAL all the time.

 

 

The Five Dysfunctions In Every Failed Relationship

In every failed relationship there is a progression in deterioration which occurs.  Each dysfunction requires the previous one to have occurred as they build upon each other.

1. The first dysfunction in any relationship is the destruction or absence of trust. Once trust is destroyed the foundation for a relationship of any kind is shattered.
2. The second dysfunction in a relationship is the unaddressed fear of conflict.
3. The third dysfunction in a relationship pertains to the lack of commitment to each other and the relationship which exists between you and another party or parties.
4. The fourth dysfunction in a relationship is found in the avoidance of accountability to each other – a lack of vulnerability.
5. Finally, the fifth dysfunction in a relationship is identified as a laziness in paying attention to the relational results being pursued as the relationship progresses – are you taking your relationship for granted?

 

 

One of the most common reasons for corporate failures is found among executive team members who fail to be truly vulnerable with each other.  Without vulnerability…trust cannot exist.

We as human beings have this crazy desire to be protective of ourselves.  The thought of opening up and baring our soul to someone is not natural for us.  Our society drills into us the message which tells us to “look out for number one!”

Without vulnerability, trust cannot exist.  For trust to happen, we must be willing to hand over a piece of our soul to someone who we hope will take responsibility for and respect what we have given them.

It does not matter if we are talking about business relationships, personal friendships, or romantic relationships – for trust to grow, vulnerability must happen first.

 

How To Trust Again — Building Trust Requires An Investment Of Sorts

1. Respect the other person by always keeping your word.
2. Even in the difficult moments, respect the other person by always telling them the truth.  (Remember:  Withholding information is no different than lying…it’s a form of deception.)
3. People will not trust you unless you learn to share yourself, pimples and all. You have to be willing to take a risk, open up and be vulnerable.
4. Give of yourself willingly and sacrificially, without the intention or hope of ever getting back — no strings attached.

 

Once broken… trust can be very difficult to rebuild, and may never be completely repairable.  Learn early to respect the importance of, and never destroy trust in a relationship.

TRUST is a whole lot like our blood pressure.  It flows out from us from a location behind the scenes, where we easily forget about it, but if we ignore it and abuse it, then the results can be deadly.  If we are going to learn how to trust again, then we must make sure we are taking healthy relational steps forward in life, as well as working on healthy internal thinking processes.