10 Personality Traits YOU Might Not Want To Date Or Hire

personality styles, personality traits, mental illness,personality disorders, mental disorders,james c tanner,excelling in the face of personal chaos

10 Personality Traits YOU Might Not Want To Date Or Hire

10 Personality Traits YOU Might Not Want To Date Or Hire” has been written by James C. Tanner, Author of Excelling In The Face Of Personal Chaos .

We have all been there, either in the world of dating, or dealing with a co-worker who for some odd reason we can’t quite figure out why they seem “out-of-sync” with what we perceive to be the societal “norm” (“norm” as defined by individuals will often have definitions which vary widely, with each definition being truly unique to the describing party).

In the dating world, our objective is simple, to find the love of our life, one who is healthy, and compliments our world on so many levels.

Why He Doesn't Love You Anymore by James C Tanner. Self-help for those struggling with the pain of a broken heart, rejection, and emotional abandonment.

In the work place, we strive to seek out prime talent that can build team cohesiveness, and help take our end product to the next level.

The processes of dating and hiring both require a filtering process, as we strive to find the best fit.

We live in a world of recognized personality traits and personality disorders such as:

  • Antisocial Personality Disorder
  • Avoidant Personality Disorder
  • Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Dependent Personality Disorder
  • Histrionic Personality Disorder
  • Multiple Personality Disorder, a.k.a. Dissociative Identity Disorder
  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder
  • Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
  • Paranoid Personality Disorder
  • Schizoid Personality Disorder
  • Schizotypal Personality Disorder

While some personality disorders do not affect a person’s ability to deliver great results in the workplace ( in fact some personality disorders can enhance a person’s role in certain occupations ), in relationships the other partner does need to be aware of the potential relational impact a personality disorder can have on his or her relationship with a party who lives with a personality disorder.

*** It’s very important to say here and now, everyone is lovable, and is worthy of love, but some will struggle in knowing how to receive love, as well as how to love in return.  People with personality disorders, are very easy to love, while some will struggle in knowing how to receive your love, and others will struggle in knowing how to return love back to you.

personality styles, personality traits, mental illness,personality disorders, mental disorders,james c tanner,excelling in the face of personal chaos

What are personality disorders vs. list of character traits vs. a mental disorders list?

What is a personality disorder?

  • a personality disorder is a deeply ingrained, psychologically, possibly physiologically, deep-seated chronic maladaptive pattern of behavior of a specified and definable kind, quite often, but not necessarily manifesting itself by the time one reaches adolescence, or early adulthood, causing long-term difficulties in personal relationships or while functioning in society.

What are characteristic traits?

  • Character traits, or personality traits, are all those amazing aspects found in a person’s behavior or attitudes which when combined, make up that person’s persona. Everyone has character traits, both good and bad–we cannot avoid them.  Character traits are often shown with descriptive adjectives, such as loyal, loving, patient, unfaithful, or jealous, and character traits, unlike personality disorders, can change or like a bad habit, be corrected over time.

What are mental disorders?

  • Mental disorders are often referred to as mental illness and this encompasses a wide range of mental health conditions that may or may not be temporary in nature.  The usual criteria which defines a mental illness is a  disorder that affects your mood, thinking and behavior which has lasted for a period of six weeks or longer.  In the case of a mental illness, the condition is often temporary, but once again must exist for a period of six weeks or longer to be definable as mental illness. Examples of mental illness might include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors. Approximately one-quarter or 26.2% of North America’s population experiences some form of mental illness during the course of their lifetime.  Most of these people recover with no lingering challenges or affects.



10 Personality Traits YOU Might Not Want To Date Or Hire

1. The Self-Absorbed Hysteric

These so-called “histrionic” people often describe themselves as “passionate and emotional.” Their primary drive is to be the center of attention. The Histrionic personality disorder is most often defined or characterized by a long established pattern of publicly noticeable attention seeking behavior combined with extreme emotional responses and reactions. A person with histrionic personality disorder will strive to be the center of attention in any group setting, and they’ll feel insulted or offended when they are not.

While often seen as being very lively, socially interesting and sometimes dramatic, they in to experience difficulty when people aren’t focused exclusively on them – these people do not share the stage.

People with this personality disorder are often thought of as shallow, and may even go to the extreme to engage in sexually seductive or provocative behavior to draw attention to themselves.

Their ever consuming self-focus makes it very hard for them to engage in the normal give and take of balanced healthy relationships.

Relational red flags begin to wave to indicate when one is in the presence of a “hysteric”. Warning signs include shallowness combined with a constant need to be the focus of attention.

Those who struggle with the histrionic personality disorder find it to be very hard for them to get beyond their own needs, in order to recognize or consider their obligations to others, even their own children.

People who often struggle with the Histrionic Personality Disorder often find they have difficulty achieving emotional intimacy in romantic or sexual relationships.

Subconsciously and without realizing what they are doing, they will often act out a role (e.g., “victim”, “goddess”, “god” or “princess”) while in a relationship with a significant other.

There is a relational danger of entrapment as a Histrionic may seek to control their partner through emotional manipulation or seductiveness on one level, while at the same time exhibiting a very imbalanced dependency on their partners at another level.

2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistics are very lovable people. The problem is, they don’t know how to properly love a person back.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is often recognized when a pattern of grandiose self-thinking exists; or there is an overwhelming need for admiration; an inability to be intimate verbally and sexually; as well as a visible lack of empathy toward others.

Narcissistics are all about “self”! They go to functions because they believe that being seen there will make them look more important. They take on roles whereby they are seen as being of primary importance in people’s lives, or the lives they meet, even if temporary.

There is a danger for those entering relationships with Narcissistics. Narcissistics are masters at initially hiding the tell-tale signs of their personality disorder. Once in a relationship the truth often comes out in a very hurtful manner, and a narcissistic has absolutely no understanding as to why they have caused relational injury to someone.

Narcissistics are masters of subtle manipulation and continually find ways to manipulate friends and family into doing their bidding. Once they are no longer able to get from their relationship what they desire, they will often subconciously find ways to sabotage their relationships. For this reason, the narcissistic continually burns out friends, and must continually make new friends to have a fresh circle to manipulate.

People with narcissistic personality disorder, inside a relationship will often communicate in a snobbish, sarcastic, cutting, belittling, disdainful, or patronizing manner. For example, an individual with this disorder may complain about having to pay their half of the restaurant bill, even when they agreed to it before hand; they may assume their partner is okay with not being thanked for a gift; they may get disgruntled when they have to use their own money to buy something instead of finding someone else to do it for them.

The Narcissistic Personality Disorder originates in one of two ways…genetic, or as a result of a trauma in childhood or young adult years. It is believed that under the heading of early trauma, the social environment of a Narcissistic may have been impacted by the style of family life they grew up in.

While most people grow out of personality disorders as they reach their 40s and 50s, there are some Narcissistics whose condition worsens crossing over into a full-blown case of psychopathy.

In a relationship – The Narcissistic will struggle in areas of verbal and sexual intimacy. While they will desire to be satisfied sexually, they will lack an understanding of how to properly execute activity such as foreplay to satisfy their partner. This is largely due to their ongoing subconcious concept of serving “self”. They will struggle in communicating with their partner at a level any deeper than that of a co-worker.

In the workplace – A Narcissistic can be a very productive worker as they are all about getting ahead and being recognized for it.

3. The Sociopath

A true sociopath will see others as a means to an end, only as objects to be used and manipulated for their own pleasure or gain.

It’s important to recognize upfront that Sociopaths have no concept of feelings of attachment or loyalty, and they see life as one big game, motivated only by a need for power and control.

Sociopaths are often charismatic, sometimes glib, elegant, charming, and socially well liked in superficial settings.

People with this personality disorder have a huge capacity for deception, and will convincingly lie to themselves.  They lack a true compass which defines right or wrong, and the rights and needs of others never crosses their mind.

4. The Clinging Dependent

Here we have people whose primary need is to be taken care of. They have trouble making decisions; they require constant reassurance from others.

The Clinging Dependant, while seen as only a personality trait by some, it is also known as the Dependent Personality Disorder which is characterized, as stated above by a primary need to be taken care of and a fear of being tossed aside, abandoned or cut off from important individuals in their life. This leads a clinging person to engage in dependent and submissive behaviors designed to make them appear to be in need of a false level of care-giving.

Clinging Dependents are often pessimistic and vocally full of self-doubt. They tend to continually discount their abilities and life-skill assets, often putting themselves down by referring to themselves as “stupid”, or some other term. Outside criticism and disapproval is the proof they seek to convince the world of their worthlessness.

In the work place – Clinging Dependants will drain supervisory resources, and they will certainly avoid positions of responsibility, becoming very anxious when faced with critical and sometimes even basic decisions.

In relationships – What you see is what you get as social relationships tend to be limited to those few people on whom the individual is dependent.

To keep someone in their life, they will be self-sacrificing to a fault. They are prepared to tolerate all manner of abuse including physical, psychological, emotional and social. Their fear of abandonment is greater than their need for self-respect.

5. The Perfectionist / The Control Freak

This is one of those easy to spot personality traits.  The perfectionists of this world might have the cleanest house on the block, or be seen standing out on the front lawn in the fall catching leaves so they don’t litter the lawn, or their kitchen cupboards may be organized based on product size.

Perfectionists…we all know one or two, and if the truth was told, we have all fallen into this descriptive at one time or another.

Perfectionists are not classified as a personality disorder, but more correctly stated, it is one of those personality traits that can be changed over time.

Often seen as inflexible, judgmental, and rule-bound, many perfectionists prefer work over spending time doing leisure activities.  They will often drive those closest to them crazy with their rigidity and need for control.

It’s good to take ownership of certain projects and put your expertise to good use, but control freaks take that to another level.

6. The Pessimist / The Depressive

The pessimist falls under the category of personality traits moreso than a personality disorder, however, at an extreme level and over an extended period of time, this behaviour can definitely be syptomatic of a greater psychological disorder.

Pessimists will typicaly walk through life exhibiting some form of habitual expressive pattern of inadequacy, futility, and self-blame.  With this heavy form of personality traits, stress and regret blend together in the mindset of a pessimist as their lives are filled with constant worry.  Under the weight of their mental state they are nearly incapable of experiencing pleasure.

All it takes for a pessimist to feel their attitude is valid is a bad news report on the TV.  The mildest external negative is twisted as proof to support the internal negative.

7. Gossips

Gossips are one of the greatest relational cancers known to mankind.  It tops the list of ugly social peronality traits.

It was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, “Great minds discuss ideas, average ones discuss events, and small minds discuss people.”

An old mule skinner once said, in reference to the town gossip, “Empty wagons rattle a lot!”

Gossips are small-minded people who rarely have anything to contribute to a conversation, but even so their lips flap away.  They excel in the art of talking about everyone else, and usually take great pleasure in recounting others’ misfortunes.

Gossips destroy relationships and they destroy businesses.  There’s no such thing as a good gossip.

8. The Arrogant

God’s gift to mankind…at least that’s how an arrogant person comes across.  While not a personality disorder, it is definitely one of those ugly personality traits.

Arrogance is very different from self-confidence.  A self-confident person doesn’t feel threatened by the achievements of others, and they certainly don’t feel any need to show off their achievements.

Most often, arrogance is a way to cover up one’s own insecurities.

In the workplace — arrogant people make everyone else appreciate humility.

In relationships — arrogant people usually end up being ignored.

9. The Victims

Victims are those people who don’t simply believe one or two problems in their life are the fault of others, they believe all their problems are the fault of others.

These are the great conspiracy thinkers, and yet they are always the target of the conspiracies.

Never taking responsibility for their own life problems, Victims point their fingers at everyone else.   They see other people’s success as a result of opportunities and advantages that were never made, or worse yet, blocked off from being available to them.

10.  Habitual Complainers

Complainers are the internalized version of gossips.

Instead of gossiping about others, complainers talk negatively about everything under the sun.  For that matter they complain about the sun too!  Complainers never seem to be satisfied unless they have something to criticize or oppose.

They’re live to pick out the negative in any situation and feel duty bound to point it out to anyone who will listen.

Complainers fuel on other complainers, and soon there is only a cesspool of complaints.

While not a personality disorder, complaining is definitely one of those negative presonality traits that no one likes to have around them in a relationship or workplace setting.


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